Help.

I've no idea how to write this without it turning into a rambling mess or a 'Dear Diary' session. Sadly, I have no one else to talk about this too.

Last week I went to a cousins 21st party and had a good time, even mustered up the courage to give a speech only the birthday girl could understand lol.

Getting out of the house and being surrounded by hundreds of people felt great. It's just every outing is plagued by negative crap I can't be bothered dealing with anymore. I love my mum to death but I'm sick and tired of everything we bicker about.

What's probably our 500th argument ended up in her calling me 'loony' and wondering what was so bad about telling the world I'm socially anxious. Yes, I don't provide any source of income and yes I'm not the most sociable person in the world but sometimes it's as if she doesn't understand or even tries too. She even threw in a 'harden up' and 'get over it'. To top it all off she ended with 'whatever you say you're wrong because you don't pay for anything'.

I don't pay for anything which means I have no right to complain or request anything, I get that. But just because someone pays the bills doesn't give them the right to be a bitch and throw around petty insults. Or does it?

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She thinks my therapist is 'brainwashing' me into doing what I think is right. I wondered why we began arriving half an hour late to my therapy sessions. The argument tonight further cemented my reasons to why this was happening.

Would moving out be over reacting? Because this honestly was the straw that broke the camels hump.

"Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?"

I am Grinds enthusiasm.

There's movies you watch, and movies you watch. Fight Club happened to be one of those movies. If it weren't for italics my point wouldn't have been made as it hopefully has.

The title of this blog entry was taken as a direct quote from Fight Club at a point in my life where the message it conveys definitely stood out. People always say 'If you were to die tomorrow what would be your greatest regret?' but how the question was proposed in that particular scene from the movie was so awesome I won't forget it.

I am Grinds conscious.

"The things you own, they end up owning you".

I never realised how much of an impact movies could have until my initial viewing of Fight Club. I've seen great films beforehand but when you watch one you can lightly relate too words can't express how amazing that feeling is. In all reality it most likely won't change anyone's thoughts or lives, but it certainly altered mine.

I am Grinds complete lack of materialism.

This blog entry won't make any sense if you haven't seen the film. It probably still won't after you've watched it lol.

As for the question "What I wish I could do before I die" there's so many answers that the only thing I can think of right now is to watch Fight Club again, and again.



And again. Until my compulsion subsides and the real world screaming my name sinks in.

The Gift Of The Present

• To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
• To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
• To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
• To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
• To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
• To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have!

• Yesterday is history.
• Tomorrow is mystery.
• Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!

Terribly corny I know, but I found it to be slightly on topic with the Olympics and time in general being spent worrying about the little things. There's so much out there in the world we've yet to experience and a lot we've to offer ourselves in return.

I know I'm starting to sound a bit preachy lately, but with the current freedom I've come across the one thing limiting my potential has and always will be myself. I'm still questioning whether this newly found freedom is permanent or not. Either way I'll take my chances and relish in it while I can.

Usually when people figure out these resolutions they stand on their roof tops and shout it out to the world! I thought I'd bug you all with it instead. :)

Hope you're having a great day.

The Olympics

Pretty much inspired me to get my ass back out into the world.

After watching those great athletes shed blood, sweat and tears to be crowned the worlds best was amazing to watch. It's an experience I won't ever forget.

Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt, Mattias Steiner, Yelena Isinbayeva, and Mahe Drysdale are only a few of the many who impressed me with their determination and drive. I can't help but be thankful I was able to witness their stories of valor in my lifetime.

As they say you'll find the strength, courage and inspiration from the most random of places. The 2008 Beijing Olympics happened to be that place for me.

Rain Rain Go Away

Come again another day. In fact, don't come again at all. New Zealands weather patterns put a damper on what I'd planned for this week.

What I'd set out to do last week was accomplished after failing to do so once. The first attempt I ended up in a crowd at a set of traffic lights waiting for that pesky red man to turn green. Everything was fine until [and there's always an until] the realisation of my current surroundings sunk in. I battled with my head as to whether I should man up and get the task done, but the anxiety and panic I felt was too much. I started over thinking the countless situations that could but wouldn't happen. That was enough of an indication for me to think something dangerous might happen, I turned a corner and made a beeline straight back home.

The blue circle's where I pondered if going back and trying again was worth it or not, but I ended up going in the direction towards my house.

It wasn't a great feeling knowing I was so close to doing it just to end up failing. I can't imagine what it's like when 100th of a second is what separates you from coming first and second in the Olympics. This avoidance ended up fueling my desires to indulge in self pity, while the weather was great of course.

Second time around I managed to do so without a problem! Due to being the last day of the week and only attempting to do so once beforehand. Avoidance and panic seemed a thing of the past during this trip, there were a few periods were I got anxious but I wasn't going to let it stop me this time.

Happy with my efforts, I started making plans for this week: I was going to go and spend a few hours at the park five minutes away from home. I had to plan it during a week where nothing but gray clouds and wet park bench surfaces would be dominant. So this week ended up one spent cooped up inside my house besides a few days where I went for my daily walks. I guess no matter how hard you plan somethings it never turns out the way you want it too.

Murphy's law sucks.

PS. Sorry for the lack of blog entries, I've set up camp in front of my telly to watch the Olympics.